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General Motors Gets It Right, The Hummer Tactical Mountain Bike

Including a mountain bike along with leather upholstery, power windows and air conditioning as optional equipment for an automobile is nothing new. Car and truck companies have been doing it since the mountain bike was invented, but they have seldom gotten it right. The car guys seem to subscribe to one of two strategies. Either they offer a promotional-quality bike that is built cheap, flimsy and disposable or they offer a ridiculously expensive bike that is designed first to stroke the owner’s ego and second to function as a mountain bike.

When General Motors asked if we wanted to test the Hummer Tactical Mountain Bike (HTMB), we were less than enthusiastic. We expected the HTMB to be one of those overpriced show ponies, because it is, after all, an option for a brand whose base model sells for over $50,000.

Making matters worse, the HTMB is touted as a mountain bike developed for the military. “Developed for the military” is the kiss of death for most products. Anything designed, sourced, tested, approved and built by committee is gonna get blown away by a product that has to fight for survival in the free market. Did you see those Gomer Pyle goggles our troops were wearing in Iraq? Any twelve-year-old kid at a paintball park in Peoria is wearing a better google. So, we didn’t hold out much hope for the HTMB.

EVENTS UNFOLD

The arrival of the HTMB at the MBA headquarters was met with guarded optimism. The bike definitely didn’t fall into the promotional-quality category. Our brushed aluminum hardtail Hummer XT model was outfitted with quality components, including Shimano XT derailleurs, a Shimano Deore front hydraulic disc brake, Mavic D521 rims, a RockShox travel-adjustable Psylo XC fork, a RockShox suspension seatpost, Maxxis Fly Weight tires and a WTB Speed V Comp saddle. The parts mix gave us hope that we weren’t in possession of another car bike intended to look better on the roof rack than jammin’ down a trail.

The frame’s lack of a down tube and its massive monocoque top tube are not the bike’s strangest design elements. The quick-release lever protruding from the top of the monocoque top tube is. Remove the front wheel, release that lever atop the top tube and the bike folds into a very storable 36x28x12 inch box–all without tools.

GOING STRAIGHT

Unfolding the HTMB is as simple as folding it. With everything pointing in the right direction and locked down (even if you forget to tighten the frame pivot’s quick release, the design will not allow the bike to fold while riding), we donned our GI Joe fatigues and hit the trail.

The Taiwan-made HTMB is a capable hardtrail trail bike. The locking feature works well enough so you forget that you are in the saddle of a bike that can be stored in a closet. The HTMB offers a solid ride.

The bike handles well on tight trails and downhills. The RockShox Psylo fork with U-Turn (you can change the fork’s travel with the twist of a dial) allows you to dial in slacker (longer travel) or steeper (shorter travel) steering response. It is adjustable from 3.3 inches of travel to 4.9 inches.

We like the front disc/rear V-brake combo because it gives plenty of stopping power and you don’t have to worry about crimping a rear hydraulic hose when folding the bike.
You’ll pay a slight weight penalty over similarly-priced and spec’ed bikes (the HTMB weighs 29.9 pounds and is a $1995 option) because of the bike’s folding capabilities. Also, we experienced some lateral flex in the bottom bracket region under hard efforts, making it essential to stay seated and smooth on the climbs.

JOIN THE MILITARY

General Motors got it right by not cheaping out and by not going Gucci. Their HTMB (made for them by the Montague Corp.) is a worthy trail bike for the recreational rider who isn’t afraid to venture off the beaten path. You can get more bang for your $1995 buying a hardtrail (or dual-suspension) trailbike from Specialized, Giant, Jamis, Iron Horse, KHS, Trek or Fisher, but none of them fold into the size of a suitcase. If stowability is a concern, this bike makes sense. The HTMB may have been developed for the military, but luckily it is as consumer friendly as the Hummer H2. The Hummer Tactical Mountain Bike is sold through authorized dealerships and bike shops. You can get more information by calling (800) 736-5348.

Driving Impression, The HUMMER H2

Our $1995 Hummer Tactical Mountain Bike came with an optional $50,000 Hummer H2. The wrecking crew has driven its share of strange, unusual and exotic vehicles, but nothing comes close to the H2. This is a vehicle that strikes fear, envy, admiration or disgust in those who glance into their rear view mirrors and see its distinctive bumper and grill. This is not a passive vehicle. It demands, if not respect, at least a reaction. The reactions from passing motorists and pedestrians range from big smiles and thumbs up to looks of disgust and shouts of protest. When was the last time that a total stranger admonished you for being a capitalist pig? While the H2 driver will experience a few uncomfortable encounters, we got far more favorable ones. One sweet little old lady said, after we let her take a seat behind the wheel, “Those guys in their big trucks wouldn’t push me around if I were driving one of these!” Hummers come with Hollywood mystique as standard equipment. Other drivers crane their necks as you drive by to see what movie star is behind the wheel.

The H2 doesn’t drive like an off-road vehicle. It is comfortable and surprisingly quiet at highway speeds. It has no problem cruising along at 70 miles per hour, and it has less problem draining its fuel tank. The H2 is one thirsty ride. It takes $50 to fill its tank (about every 180 miles). Also, it is a good thing that the Hummer Tactical Mountain Bike is a folding bike, because the H2’s spare tire takes up about 20 percent of the small cargo capacity of the vehicle. The H2 doesn’t hold any more cargo than a mid-sized wagon. It is big on the outside and small on the inside. We weren’t heartbroken to give our H2 loaner back. It was a lot of fun to don our Arnold Schwarzenegger mask, drive around and freak people out, but it was only the 18th of the month and we had already hit our monthly gas budget. The Hummer H2 is a pleasant diversion, but not the ideal mode of transportation to the races or trailhead for you, your buddies and your bikes.